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couldnt finish the last few commissions from my last batch. so i am working on giving them back their money. its been forever since i've been on here. let me tell you guys what happened.

my grandpa became very ill for a while after he fell down. we took my grandmother (who is 83 years old) in and took care of her while he was in the hospital. we had hope that he would get out soon. but he got an amune system infection and just kept getting worse.  he passed away on a tuesday, march 5 2012 at the age of 82. (love you poppy r.i.p.)  i had a really hard time dealing with it at first since it was my first time dealing with something like this.  then on top of that my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with RIGHT after that happened. my first love....sooo yeah.   i was very depressed for a very long time and was having panic attacks several times a day.  but i finally feel a little bit better.  i  had to use all my money to help my parents pay for all the stuff that goes into taking care of my grandmother who is now living with us. she has the mindset of a baby. shes pretty when she tries to feed people who are in the newpaper cereal. but then again sometimes she doesnt even recognize us. (which hurts esprcially when she tells us not to touch her or be near her..its all part of her disease.)  so its really stressful and busy at the same time.  i was just scared that the people i never drew their things for would think i'm a big scam. (which i guess i am to those listed below)  but here i am telling the truth and coming clean wanting to make up for it.. and i hope that you will all forgive me. i will pay you all back. i know i had to pay:


thats all the people i can remember.. and i'm pretty sure those are all the people i had left?  o_o;   please i hope you all understand. i'm so sorry for this horrible inconvenience. when i start posting things on here again, i will draw you all something for free. i just needed to tell everyone that. i was tired of hiding. kinda. i'm sorryyyyyyy...agh. i'm sad now.

:( i dont want you all to think i'm a bad person..thats all.
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Paipuru Featured By Owner May 10, 2012  Student General Artist
I'm very late... but I'm so sorry that happened... I really don't have any idea what you're going through, but I'll do my best to help you :blush:
Kowiubi Featured By Owner May 4, 2012
now I feel stupid for being so impatient... do your best tesa.
I guess I can say that we all love you and we're glad you're back
mkj120 Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2012  Student Artist
I'm so sorry, I understand the stress life can bring. You don't need to apologize...

And you are most definitely not a bad person.
Kazbob Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2012
Aww :hug: I hope you feeling ok
Yetac Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
We're all here for you when you need an internet hug. Take care sweet, and keep moving forward. :heart:
AnimeLuvver Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Student General Artist
It's okay. Life get's in the way, but, everything that happens is to make us stronger, even if we ask ourselves,"Why?"

I had to deal with my grandma living with us, since she's sick too, but not mentally (though she is damn outright stubborn) and she wasn't cooperating at all. It was stressful, and we still have to deal with all the family problems, but, we're getting through as well as I hope you will too.

I'm sure your commissioners will understand. I mean I'd gladly wait a thousand years for art like yours! :D
Hope you feel better and panic attacks are no fun boo.. (had one on monday!) and hope your life gets brighter and brighter each day!!
Nintala Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
I hope things will get better soon, I know they will :)
I know how it feels to have an important death like that, my mother died in the last week.
I'm glad to see you're back and feeling better. But no one should blame you or thing you're a bad person, you had things come up in life it's not your fault at all.
MegaSquishy Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012
You're not a bad person. We understand you're going through a lot :c
I hope you feel better soon <3
rioIu Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Why would we think of you as a bad person? We've barely conversed before but I can tell you are a kind, or at least nice person. No one can blame you for your boyfriend breaking up with you when you need support, nor the death of a dear family member. Anyone who doesn't understand should think about shoving their feet in your shoes and being asked, "How would you be able to get any free time when all of this stressful stuff is happening?" I'm sure those consumers and the other ones will understand your situation and won't be mad at you. :) Like I said, given they're understanding people, they'd know nothing about it is your fault.
Again, we've barely conversed before but if you need someone, I'm all ears. Feel better, and things will get better! :heart:
KattPrime Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012
Im so sorry I hope everything wrks out 4 da best
Neekle Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
No need to apologize dear, we were all just terribly worried for you. Hopefully, everything will turn out for the better. But it's a good thing, that you're back, and I don't mind if you don't post as often because we're all only human. So yus. :D
BananaFudgePop Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012
*hug* You're so brave for have coming out to us, the watchers, and sharing this with us. It's like a second family on dA. You're such a beautiful person Tesa. I want to wish you the best. I have much respect and support for you. :heart:
Chaobot2 Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012
Happy that your back tesa. and well... why did cameron do it again? i mean... the fuck?
UltimateSketchQueen Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I give you my condolences c:
Losing a loved one can be very hard... Especially when another loved one leaves you right after :/
I don't think you're a bad person, and I'm sure those people were fine with waiting, but would've just wanted a good update before.
Anyway, I hope you feel even better really soon!
Spruik Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012
I'm very sorry for your unfortunate loss. ♥
But you're very strong for pushing through it!
I hope things work out. ;u;
(Man. I seem very creepy. I barely know you. BUT OH WELL. :I)
sora96 Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You're not a bad person, things happen and we all know it.
So sorry to hear all that. :( It may take a while to cope with those things, but time heals all wounds. You're a very strong person to deal with both of those devastation's at once, for that we admire you even more.
The-Toy-Box-Charades Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
I'm sorry to hear that, Tesa. And no one here thinks you're a bad person for not being able to finish your comissions. Family should ALWAYS come first, you know?

Best of luck to you and your family~
MortMorrison Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012   Digital Artist
Oh dear. I'm sad to hear what happens to you and your family. I'm with you and hope you get well soon. Life can be hard but better times will come too.
Please, nobody think you are a bad person. You explain yourself more you have to with this very personal tragedies, but you have all our understanding cause we all know how hard life can be. We love you my dear. Please take care of yourself.
tesazombie Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
thank you so much bby~ ;///v///; :heart:
Deathbysquirrels Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Dude, don't think of yourself as a bad person! You've gone through a lot! And it's understandable why you were gone for so long. I'm glad to hear that you're back and feeling a bit better, but I'm so very sorry about your grandfather and everything else you said up there. :iconsadhugplz: I can't say I understand what it feels like to go through something like that, but it's not easy to deal with. And aside from that, your real life is more important than being on dA. So of course it's understandable that you'd deal with that first. So don't feel so bad. I'm also sure the people you mentioned up there can understand it. :huggle:
PurpleMoonFang Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
i can't say i know how you feel, but i do know what its like to be depressed since i have clinical depression. you just dont want to do anything and just be alone. i didnt know why people kept wanting me to "talk about it" when there was nothing to talk about. im starting to get into a depressing state again and im scared but i know that my friends and family will look out for me and take care of me in i get sucked into that black hole my sis said she would personally find a way to find my soul and then beat me up if i ever killed myself >w< and i thoroughly beleive her.

anyway, bottom line, i can relate to how you feel, but cant fully understand, but you can still confide in a stranger should you have the need. i know that its helpful to talk to a total stranger cuz they wont judge you as a friend or family member, rather as a stranger...not saying ill judge you, but the example still standcs. or you could do what i did and make an anonymous dA account devoted entirely to journals, mostly because i like typing more than writing cuz its easier and faster for me ^u^
BoyGirl1 Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012
;__; that is HORRIBLE!!

I shall hope that youll feel better soon,
and, try to listen to this [link] i know that it got me at least in a cheerful mode, don't know if it will be the same for you.

Hope things will get better soon!;A;
TheAutumnSloth Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I have missed your art so terribly! I was wondering where you had gone.
Death is hard to deal with, but it sounds like for taking a break up after that, you are very strong. I am sure everyone appreciates your journal entry too, and the people who need to get paid won't be mad at all. As long as you do what is right <3

Feel better, stay smiling, and I hope you draw more!!
NeverTooMuchDotsies Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012
:c *Hug* That seriously, seriously sucks! I'm so sorry to hear your time away has been so awful... How're you pulling through?

I never blamed you for anyting, but I did worry - hence why I sent you a few notes here and there... I'm happy to see you're back X3; Tho' that might be a bit selfish of me...
Kitty-Nya-96 Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
oh my gosh, im so sorry... TT^TT

my grandma passed away on valentine's day, so i know what you're feeling. im so so so sorry, and... i know we never spoke to eachother, but if you need someone to talk to, ill always be here
JudaiToranaga Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Shhhh, you're nowhere near being a bad person. u <u Shhhhhhhooooosh.
FrevlerMaschine Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm sorry Tesa....
magicalmint Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I was just going through your gallery yesterday wondering what happened to you and if you were doing okay. I'm sorry for your loss, and what a dmove exboyfriend.

I hope things improve for you, that your helping with your grandmother i think is very admirable. I'll keep you in my thoughts, I sincerely hope things start to look up for you
Miujin Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012   Digital Artist
I'm really sorry to hear about what happened.
Stay strong! You're not a bad person. C:
punipaws Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Student Digital Artist
You are a awesome person, hope things get better for you~ :huggle:
Lilithay Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012
No one thinks of you like that hun. You've gone through a very difficult time; I had an aunt who developed Alzheimers and my great grandma now has dementia, so I know how you feel about that a bit. :( If anyone blames you for taking some time to yourself, they're being selfish. I'm genuinely sorry that things have been hard for you, but remember, things always get better. I gave birth to my second daughter in February, but due to our cirumstances I had to give her up for her sake. It really messed me up, and for a long while doing any art was out of the question. I heard a quote which is a bit cheesy, but which helped me stay hopeful through the bad times, it went "Everything ends up okay in the end; if it isn't okay, then it isn't the end". Just remember that there are many people who love you, and although we're just internet faces, we all support you too. :)
Rollinlol95 Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Hey, no one is thinking of you like a bad person, i can't really understand what you felt those days you passed but i'm very happy to see this journal cause i know you're here, i really missed you.
Really, i'm sorry for what's happened to you and your family but it's okay if you haven't finished the last commish:hug:
Believe me, now things are bad but you will feel better and better until the day you will be happy again...don't be sad, cheer up.
DeeTsukino Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
I feel you : S my first boyfriend, of 3 1/2 years, also broke up with me right when I needed his support the most... That happened about 5 months ago and I'm still really hurt by that, I still have feelings for him, it's really hard to get over it..
I hope things get better for you and your family soon, stand up strong and never give up :hug:
DontDisLucky Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh man, I'm so sorry to hear about all the things you've been going through... I've been through loss of loved ones and panic disorders before, and its really tough... I can't imagine what it must be like to have someone you love the way your grandmother is, though. Its awful that you have to go through that sort of thing, and everything else at the same time, it must be really hard for you...

If I can help in any way I'd be more than happy to c:
Stay stong, dude <3
animoo Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
you're not a horrible person! ;3;
you had a lot to deal with,if someone cannot understand that
they are a selfish person.
but on the bright side Im glad you're back ;7;
I love seeing your glorious art work in my inbox u3u
plus I can make spazzy comments and do fanart without looking weird u3ub

deviantART muro drawing Comment Drawing
miserybahamut Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh my gods. I am so sorry to hear that happened. That's... jeeze, I can't even put words to that. :hug: My thoughts are with you, hun, and I do hope life starts to look up for you soon. Please keep in touch, if you can, but it is understandable if you hands are full.

You take care, and again, I wish you luck.
D0ZEoff Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012
That's just awful. <:[
I'm not really good at comforting people, so all I can offer oodles of love and the best of wishes for you and your family.

And I doubt anyone thinks you're a bad person.
TheScarletDevil Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Aww you are a very strong girl. Having to deal with that must be killing you :(
I hope that things will get better for you! <333 Keep your spirit up!
norree Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Student General Artist
I missed you, I'm glad things are starting to get better now~
Assasin-Kiashi Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Student Digital Artist
oh god, your poor babbu...! :(
DanteDemolition Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012   General Artist
That's a brutal turn of events. I'm sorry for your loses and misfortune. I really REALLY hope that things get better for you.
Kitsune-Genetica Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'm sorry about your circumstances. Also, your boyfriend sounds like an ass.
BlackSnowWonderland Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm so sorry that that had happened to you. If I was one of those people waiting on a commission I would be more than understanding and forgiving. :(
blanktip Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012
All of my grandparents are dead. So if you need someone to talk to, I'll be glad to be there for you. I hope you feel better soon Tesazombie.
Jowain92 Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It's horrible when someone passes away, I remember when my grandfathers sisters husband (his name was Kurt) passed away and it was not pleasant, his was the very first funeral I attended to and it was really sad.

Anyway I hope you'll feel better soon, things like thses happens and we simply cannot controll it. Does'nt mean we'll have to like it though.
Take care of yourself.
XXAnemia Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012
i'm sorry, that's so awful!! ;A;
i hope you're all doing ok now :(
ShadowDragonFox Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
oh you poor thing <3 =C
taruhead Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012
Ahh, that sounds terrible!! ;;__;; I- I don't know what to say-
I'm sure your commissioners can understand after reading this--
I just really hope things get better soon! :iconsweethugplz:
MzzAzn Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012
TTATT I hope things look up soon. I know you don't know me but if you need someone to talk to or just rant to feel free to contact me :) :hug:
Choco3va Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Student Digital Artist
amg why are you such a good person~! <3
sorry you just amaze me
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April 26, 2012


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